Monday, April 25, 2011

Resurrection - Easter Sunday

I can't recall the last time I thought of or participated in any of the Catholic holidays that were so much a part of my life. But the concept of resurrection really resonated with me. The definition that I so can relate to is, "one who returns to life". This made sense and felt incredibly appropriate to honor.

In this past year, much has occurred in and around me. Some spectators say "I've changed", others who have history with me have said, "Welcome back." It's true. I know there is no real change in me but rather a peeling away of the layers of stress, trauma, sadness, confusion to then allow, " my return to life". I can breathe again! Literally, even my allergies are pretty much gone!

In my conversations throughout this year, never have I declared regret or shame for the choices of my past. It certainly wasn't all conscious to cover up my life with these challenging skins, but I do believe in being where one is meant to be to learn the lessons. At some point I suspect I'll be able to look back at those skins and experience the joys that wove their way throughout them. For now though, the situation of releasing the skins that weighed me down so much (literally almost 30 pounds!) is all I can really manage. Fortunately, I give myself no time frame and thus the freedom to observe the natural unfolding is calm, peaceful and so gratifying. I was going to go to Church yesterday to acknowledge the importance of this personal resurrection, but I felt more in tune reading and writing in my bedroom. Reconfirming my personal sense that I am spirit and spirit is anywhere and everywhere one wants it to be. I relish in these contemplative times when I am alone with my thoughts and plans having no outside interference. That's probably the most ecstatic part of my present life that I relish in: no outside interference. Again, I give myself plenty of latitude to let this phase play out as it is mean to.

Freedom to resurrect
Freedom to return to life
Freedom to truly live