Monday, April 25, 2011

Resurrection - Easter Sunday

I can't recall the last time I thought of or participated in any of the Catholic holidays that were so much a part of my life. But the concept of resurrection really resonated with me. The definition that I so can relate to is, "one who returns to life". This made sense and felt incredibly appropriate to honor.

In this past year, much has occurred in and around me. Some spectators say "I've changed", others who have history with me have said, "Welcome back." It's true. I know there is no real change in me but rather a peeling away of the layers of stress, trauma, sadness, confusion to then allow, " my return to life". I can breathe again! Literally, even my allergies are pretty much gone!

In my conversations throughout this year, never have I declared regret or shame for the choices of my past. It certainly wasn't all conscious to cover up my life with these challenging skins, but I do believe in being where one is meant to be to learn the lessons. At some point I suspect I'll be able to look back at those skins and experience the joys that wove their way throughout them. For now though, the situation of releasing the skins that weighed me down so much (literally almost 30 pounds!) is all I can really manage. Fortunately, I give myself no time frame and thus the freedom to observe the natural unfolding is calm, peaceful and so gratifying. I was going to go to Church yesterday to acknowledge the importance of this personal resurrection, but I felt more in tune reading and writing in my bedroom. Reconfirming my personal sense that I am spirit and spirit is anywhere and everywhere one wants it to be. I relish in these contemplative times when I am alone with my thoughts and plans having no outside interference. That's probably the most ecstatic part of my present life that I relish in: no outside interference. Again, I give myself plenty of latitude to let this phase play out as it is mean to.

Freedom to resurrect
Freedom to return to life
Freedom to truly live

Monday, February 7, 2011

Fearless Friendships (FF)

We know who they are. They are the friends who see you, give room to your vulnerabilities, mistakes, confusions and flip flopping while placing no judgment. They offer that safe place to be our complete imperfect selves. They offer a place where the marinating of ideas are fostered, where the big life changes leap from. They are friends who love watching and partaking in your human process. They are our fearless friends.

This writing is to celebrate those of you who are fearless friends and who have fearless friends. I know I certainly have them and I hope I am a fearless friend as well.

FFs are expansive, ever dynamic, and flexing. They know when to be gentle and when to be tough. They are selfless. FFs know no boundaries in the communion of you and they.

FF become evident during times of struggle and joy. Change and transition is not an isolated experience. It ripples into every aspect of one's life and so when one is in transition it is likely that place, time, work, play, friends, loves will feel some effect. Transitions can be painful or liberating or both.

I've been in a fairly wild transition and my FFs are hanging with me all the way; they are applauding, laughing, crying, and basically cheering me on. It's so much fun!

I'm reminded to live my life with trust, to see and choose opportunity and not shy away from adventure.

There's an adventure brewing... Hop on board!

Sunday, January 30, 2011

Risky Business

TO RISK OR NOT TO RISK: Which is more regretful?

This question has been seriously weighing on me all day. I've written this blog in my head so many times (while I ate, bathed, walked, cleaned) and I'll be really pissed off if it doesn't come through in print as well as it came through in my talking mind.

The question is prompted from thoughts around "regrets in life"... It seems to me that most regrets are due to lack of action stalled by fear. Personal fear, inherited fear from family, friends and societal fear. FEAR (False Events that Appear to be Real) - borrowed from a self-help book I can not for the life of me remember the title! Sorry.

The work is to really look at the fears that present themselves via the above channels and then recognize the relevance to you. And so one is left to dig deep into the reasons behind the "personal" degree of fear, the "family/friends" degree of fear and finally "society's" degree of fear. As each have their own brand of value unique to you and your decision making process.

When I think back to the last time this question and this exercise surfaced in my life it was between 1990-91. For those of you who knew me then, you know that the "World Series Earthquake" hit San Francisco in October of '89 while I was the HR Director at Booz, Allen. Without getting into the details of that experience, except to note that my apartment building fell off it's foundation and it was deemed unsafe, know that it left me feeling exhilerated. Allowed to pack a mere two suitcases of clothes and, of course, my passport everything else went into Allied Van Storage. With my life's accumulations reduced down to a steel box, this constituted mega freedom! I am such a predictable Sagittarian...freedom is and has been my ultimate aphrodisiac! It then dawned on me that this was a "golden opportunity". So what did I do contrary to ALL? Kept everything in storage, moved into a friend's home, saved money, cashed out a heavily penalized retirement plan, quit my job and camped across Europe, Africa and Asia for a year. I was 37. I'll list briefly the fears that surfaced when I made this decision:
  • the economy sucks (there was a crash in 1989)
  • you're giving up a great job
  • you'll catch aids in Africa
  • why not go to Norway or Sweden; it's safer (this was from my father)
  • you'll loose your career
  • how could you do this alone? you'll be lonely; go with a friend at least...
  • are YOU pregnant? (as I was originally leaving for 9 months)
  • you'll never last camping; see you in a week! (colleagues only saw the manicured side to me)
None of the above were my fears; in fact, I had none. I recognized "perfect timing".... I was single, had a little money saved, everything was in storage and possessed that right degree of confidence that I could return and simply pick up where I left off. This was an opportunity I could not pass up.

Now you might be figuring out why this question has surfaced today. I am single, have a little money saved and everything is in storage and so what might I want to do that if I don't, I will regret.

Stay tuned.

I would love to hear from you as to how you have worked through fear and how often should we ask the question, "are we living a life with no regrets'?

Monday, January 17, 2011

I'm back!

Just figured out how to tap back into this blog. Had lost track of the associated email address and password and so now I hope to start up blogging again! Thanks!